Grief

Despite the assertions of Linus in the Snoopy cartoon, there is very little that is good about grief. The process of coping with a loss is a very difficult one and varies with the circumstances around the loss and many other factors. I am dedicating this discussion to a dear friend who lost her all too young daughter in a tragic accident this fall. 

Elizabeth Kubler- Ross wrote her landmark book on loss and grief in 1969. Her exploration of the stages of grief have become a cornerstone in our understanding of coping with loss. She describes the five stages as denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.  They do not happen linearly nor do they happen to everyone. Grief can be complicated by things not said or by the injustice of a life lost too early. Grief can also be very isolating. At times it feels as if others have moved on. Being at different phases can alienate us from those in our immediate circle of support. 

Some thoughts on coping are as follows:

1. You are not alone. Seek places that you can get support. Bereaved families of Ontario has a London chapter. Listening to the stories of others, even if you do not want to share, can make things less isolating. https://bfosw.ca/
2. Seek individual or family support. Grief counselling is part of what many family therapists and counsellors do. The website psychologytoday.com can help you find someone in your area.
3. Find community. If you are a person of faith, many faith communities have prescriptive rituals and gatherings which serve to give hallmarks and remembrances. Even if you are not a person of faith, a lighting of a candle, a reading of a poem or a laying of a flower can help to keep the loved one in our hearts.

This is to my friend and her angel of a daughter, with love and in memory.

Dr. Bhooma Bhayana is a family physician in London and the mother of two young men and proud grandmother of three! She continues to find wonder and enjoyment in family practice despite more than 30 years on the job!