Entry #19: Love Is Not A Feeling

I have always been the weird kid, the odd adult in college and an easy target for bullying in general. Getting my feelings hurt is something I can mostly handle with grace. However, there are situations in our lives where your love for someone close to you is tested. I am being vague because I don’t have my family member’s permission to share. I can share on my side. 

I am personally being challenged to let go of what I want for someone I love. It feels like I have been sucker punched in the gut. It has made me evaluate the question, “What is love?” The pain I am experiencing in this relationship is exactly like grieving a death. I have been studying and contemplating the definition of love. We can have feelings of love, but feelings of love aren’t enough for any relationship to grow deeper or last. There’s brotherly love, familiar love, parental love and romantic love. So, if love isn’t just about feelings, what is it?

I had an epiphany. Love is a decision. You can love people from afar if the relationship is unhealthy.  However, if love is a decision, that means that we have to come to terms with watching people we love do things that might negatively affect their future. Some of their decisions might break your heart. Sometimes we must mourn what was and embrace who they are now. Why? Because the choices people make are theirs to make. We can cry in private, but we need to remember that if we push people towards our views, we may drive them away from our lives. I know for sure that that is not the definition of love. I also don’t want to experience more pain by the people I love removing themselves from my life. It is a delicate balance. 

Therefore, the next time you try to “make them see what’s best” by talking about all the answers you have to offer, remember that love is a decision. 

 

Stephanie Preston creates powerful, humorous videos on managing bipolar disorder symptoms. She is a Social Service Worker, Health Care Aide and suffers from severe bipolar depression herself. She is the proud wife of St. Thomas Mayor Joe Preston, loves being a grandma and is Crossfit obsessed. Follow her at www.tiktok.com/@bipolaronthebrain and www.facebook.com/bipolaronthebrain.