The Next Stage of Motherhood
For all of my adult life, I have been Mom. Not just a mom in the ordinary sense, either. I have been a teen mom, a special needs mom, caregiver, advocate, nurse, appointment keeper, medication giver and the person who learned to function with one eye open at night.
My adult son has complex medical needs and requires a level of care most people will never understand. For years, my life has revolved around keeping him safe, comfortable and here. There was never much opportunity to wonder what I would do when my children grew up because one of my children would always need me.
Then there is my youngest, born when I was in my 30s. My teenager. The one who is suddenly not so little anymore and has vowed that his future includes serving our country in the Canadian Armed Forces. And I am incredibly proud of him. But somewhere underneath that pride is a mother quietly thinking, “Wait. You’re leaving too?”
I raised four children. I have spent decades putting someone else’s needs ahead of mine. And despite all the things I have done, built, survived and accomplished, being their mom is still the thing I believe I have been best at.
So what happens when the house gets quieter? What happens when one child is building his own life and another chapter of complex caregiving eventually changes or ends? Who am I? That question scares me more than I like to admit.
Maybe the next stage of motherhood isn’t about becoming unnecessary. Maybe it is about learning to be needed differently. And perhaps the empty nest isn’t actually empty. Maybe it is simply space. Space for our children to become who they were meant to be, and for us mothers to finally discover who we are beyond the lunches, hospital rooms, school pickups, sleepless nights and endless worrying.
I don’t know exactly who that woman is yet. But I’m learning and growing every day and I’m excited to finally meet her.
Meda Riley is a Mother, Palliative Complex Caregiver and Founder of Country Girl Body Products and Country Girl Catering and Preserves.
