Entry #15: Destress or Stay A Hot Mess!
For many years I thought that I could change other people. As a social service worker grad, I learned that this is called codependence. In this type of relationship, there is someone who is dependant or needy, and the codependent or fixer who needs to be needed. The truth is that you can only change yourself. Although trained in this area, it took me 25 years to accept this. Let’s explore today the stress you can bring on yourself living like this.
Over time (as a codependent), I started to understand why I was SO tired, stressed out, resentful and angry. I was a control freak that found it easier to not deal with my own issues by looking for broken lives that I could fix. Living your own life is hard enough, let alone keeping tabs on someone else’s. I hate to think how much time and energy I wasted on “helping” someone, while trading time playing with my toddlers.
Last month we did a quiz with yes and no answers. This month I challenge you to go deeper with your answers. Here we go:
- Why do you keep helping people that you know aren’t going to change?
- What’s the definition of supporting someone?
- What’s the definition of enabling someone?
- Why do you feel guilty saying no to others when you’re exhausted?
- What do you do to take time for yourself to recharge?
- How do you take care of your physical health?
- What toxic relationships are you hanging onto?
- Why can’t you let go of people who’ve already let you go?
It’s interesting how peaceful, joyful and relaxed I am at 50 years old now that I don’t stick my nose where it doesn’t belong. Stress is still in my life, but it doesn’t rule it. Let people fail.
I leave you with this: They can’t go around it. They can’t jump over it. They’ve got to walk through it! Focus on your own personal growth so when you’re actually supposed to support someone, you’re ready!
Stephanie Preston creates powerful, humorous videos on managing bipolar disorder symptoms. She is a Social Service Worker, Health Care Aide and suffers from severe bipolar depression herself. She is the proud wife of St. Thomas Mayor Joe Preston, loves being a grandma and is Crossfit obsessed. Follow her at www.tiktok.com/@bipolaronthebrain and www.facebook.com/bipolaronthebrain.
