Entry #9: Kids Need Space to Fly

In September, did you set up your kids for school? While leaving their dorm, did you feel with every step to your car like someone knocked the wind out of you? The pain of our adult kids leaving the nest is like no other. This season of life isn’t about YOU! I recently cried like a baby sending my oldest and his wife off to start their lives in Edmonton. If letting go of your kids is something you’re struggling with, read on!

You see, having severe undiagnosed and unmedicated bipolar for years, my children suffered because I wasn’t there for them the way a mom should be. I had to accept that while I was getting treatment, my bipolar symptoms were too much for them. It’s so difficult to go through the grief of losing your kids that are very much alive. Take this as a warning! I recommend that you read my past articles online where I describe my addiction to being needed, (AKA “I am a codependent-in-recovery”). I am ashamed to admit that I wasn’t aware of my codependent addiction. I was so desperate for male validation; my kids were along for a toxic ride. 

Through lots of therapy, help from my psychiatrist, family, my Fitness Coach Kevin Cope, and other treatments I accept, my children don’t blame me for being sick. They’re proud of me. Understand that if you’re falling apart (but can’t snap out of it), you may think that it makes you a better parent because you care so much. I’ve learned that it’s scary for kids to see us cry just because they want to start out their lives. Some students may feel guilty that you’re such a wreck. If you’re depressed about this and you’re not functioning, please see your doctor to get a referral for therapy. There’s something deeper going on. If you lost it, it’s OK. After I let it out, I apologized. Focus on what you’re excited about for them. Do you really want your kids living in your basement at 40?

 

 

Stephanie Preston creates powerful, humorous videos on managing bipolar disorder symptoms. She is a Social Service Worker, Health Care Aide and suffers from severe bipolar depression herself. She is the proud wife of St. Thomas Mayor Joe Preston, loves being a grandma and is Crossfit obsessed. Follow her at www.tiktok.com/@bipolaronthebrain and www.facebook.com/bipolaronthebrain.