Need-to-Know Nothing

There comes a time in every parent’s life when we must confront the harshest truth of all: our teenagers don’t want our help. We’re now on a “need-to-know” basis—and according to them, we need to know nothing.

This fall, I’ve watched my daughter and her friends navigate the swirling chaos of high school, team sports and group chats. And I’ve had to do the hardest thing imaginable: butt out. One of the best pieces of advice I ever got came from my mom: “Stay out of the girl drama—especially don’t let it creep into your friendships with their parents.” Because teenagers? They’ll turn you into a liar or a villain overnight. While you’re still avoiding Karen at the rink, your kids have already made a TikTok together and moved on. They work through it. We stew.

It’s tempting to step in. You want to fire off a strongly worded text, demand justice or host an intervention in your SUV. But unless someone’s being harmed or bullied? You’re not the solution. You’re the problem.Teenage drama isn’t for fixing. It’s for surviving. It’s where they learn to speak up, screw up, and figure out who’s worth their mascara. Every time we interfere, we rob them of resilience.

The teenage brain is pure chaos: emotional regulation is optional, loyalty shifts faster than cell reception in a parking garage, and empathy takes the scenic route. Their ability to flip their seat and see both sides? About as developed as their ability to put a dish in the dishwasher.

So welcome, friends, to your bite-your-tongue, swear-under-your-breath years—where waiting out the drama is an Olympic sport. It might feel like doing nothing, but it’s the most important parenting move you’ll make.

 

Janet Smith is a proud mom of one daughter and a marketing professional who is grateful for her rural roots in the London area. Follow Janet’s funny and honest journey at IG & TT | @re.marketable.janet or FB | @janetsiddallsmith