Size Isn’t Sin

My daughter has always been big. Bigger than the growth chart. Bigger than her peers. Bigger than what society quietly deems “normal.”

At two, she was too big for grocery cart seats. And as a single mom, grocery shopping often ended in whispered judgment or not-so-quiet “tsk-tsks” from passersby who assumed my toddler was an out-of-control five-year-old. I spent more time fielding parenting critiques than choosing tomatoes.

When she played her first year of soccer and hockey, I was bombarded by parents demanding her birth certificate. She was fast, strong and constantly on breakaways. Not because she was cheating, but because her leg span was almost as long as their entire child.

Don’t get me wrong, there were perks too! My daughter got to ride rollercoasters early, sit in the front seat first and crush every sport she tried. She’s strong, capable and unfazed by things that would have made me crumble at her age.

But here’s the thing: she didn’t ask to be big. And when adults — grown adults — yell at her from the bleachers, it doesn’t just sting, it sticks. She starts to question her presence, her worth and whether her size is something she should apologize for. Parents, your side-eyes, your sideline accusations, and your accusations – they shame. And your child learns it just as fast as you’re modelling it. Your child’s inability to control their body is not my daughter’s fault. Her elbows are at their eye level. That’s physics, not bullying.

Now, as a teen, she’s 6’2” on skates. She’s received penalties just for existing. Kids bounce off her because they’re half her size. She’s been taught to play restrained her whole life — not because she’s aggressive, but because she’s powerful. 

To the parents of “bigger-than-average” girls: help them love their strength. Remind them that their body is not “too big”—it’s exactly the right size for the life they’re meant to lead. And to those judging from the sidelines: If she can carry the weight of everyone else’s expectations, surely you can carry your own disappointment quietly to the car.

 

Janet Smith is a proud mom of one daughter and a marketing professional who is grateful for her rural roots in the London area. Follow Janet’s funny and honest journey at IG & TT | @re.marketable.janet or FB | @janetsiddallsmith