Adapting and Adopting

Doors slamming. Anger. Raging hormones. Your kiddo’s words and behaviour making you feel that you’re failing as a parent. All of these things are part and parcel nowadays when raising a pre-teen, right? Most would agree. However, they take on a different feel when your child is adopted. Although a basic knowledge of childhood trauma will tell you not to personalize these experiences, it’s almost impossible not to, being a human being with feelings, hopes and expectations.

Having wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember, it was a devastating blow when l learned that my body wouldn’t cooperate and allow me to carry my own biological child. It’s been a long road to acceptance. Despite this, I feel incredibly fortunate to have met my now daughter through the process of adoption. This journey has stretched me to new limits and challenged me in ways that I genuinely didn’t know existed. Have there been moments when I needed to hide and cry in my closet? Yep. Have there been moments where I’ve had to pinch myself because I feel so lucky to finally get to be a Mom? Also, yes.

If you are an adoptive parent, I’m here to tell you to keep doing all the things. Know that it’s perfectly normal to question yourself. It’s normal to worry about the future and wonder if your child is going to want to reach out to their biological parents, and how that will impact all of you. It’s normal to worry that you aren’t enough. It’s also completely normal for you to wish that you could erase and heal all of the traumatic experiences that your child experienced before coming into your life. Many people say that love isn’t enough, but in this case, sometimes it might just be.

Kelly Pardy