An Unbreakable Bond
When I close my eyes, I can still feel the day’s events leading up to meeting my son’s birth Mom in October 2009. Fear does have a sound and it is the unforgiving echo of gravel scraping the pavement under my shoes. This sound thundered in my ears as I walked with trepidation towards the front door of the CAS office. I swear the friction caused by the scraping could have started a small fire. My thoughts raced at a ridiculous speed. Here I was about to meet the birth Mom of my new son. In essence, I was her replacement. I still carry with me the emotions we all experienced that day. It was a life-changing experience and I am so thankful for it. After my anxiety settled, I was able to have a wonderful conversation with her. We had the same goal – to love, nurture and protect our son. She is forever his Mom. No one can sever that bond. After I came to realize that, as hard I tried to deny it, he is metaphysically bonded with another human being, our relationship relaxed.
Our opportunity to explore the openness journey became easy. I am an open book. I welcome frequent contact through text messages and no question goes unanswered. I share pictures and videos of our vacations and our everyday life. From the mundane to the fantastic, I share. We are pioneering a relationship that will be mutually beneficial for all of us. It changes, it ebbs and flows like the changing tides. What worked well last year won’t work this year. We take our lead from the young man we call our son. Our openness not only includes the typical pictures and letters, it also includes visits.
We gather every summer with the crazy extended brood we call the “Circus” and you always know when we are in town. It’s a large, loud, and rambunctious picnic with extremely poor table manners. Food is shared and stories told. Pictures are taken and games played. The picnic includes both birth parents, siblings and extended family. We can revel in the events of the last year and celebrate birthdays, graduations and welcome new members of the family. It’s a family reunion that encompasses all. Memory boxes grow and I believe hearts heal. We are a family. The strength in our relationship didn’t happen overnight. However, we’ve developed such a rewarding relationship that it has built an unbreakable trust. A trust that will grow as I adopt her beautiful blonde-haired, blue-eyed daughter in the next few months. A new bond that will last forever.
Yvonne is a foster parent for the Children’s Aid Society of London & Middlesex and birth mother of two children.
