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Answering SO MANY Questions!

One of my favourite parts of being a mother is the time that I spend with my daughter in the evening before she goes to bed. We read (I used to read to her, now we sit side-by-side, noses pressed into our respective books) and then, when she is done her last chapter, we put our books down, lie facing each other and chat about anything and everything. Her views on the world and her questions amaze me all the time.

Except when they don’t – because I am so tired that my eyes begin to water and I can’t think straight enough to answer things like, “when will the war in Ukraine end?” or “why do you think we have toes?” or “what is a tampon?”. It’s a situation I find myself in all too often at the end of a long day. She wants to chat endlessly; I want to escape what has morphed from bonding time into a hostage situation because I am so tired. On these nights, I will usually end our chat time with “I’ll tell you tomorrow, but Mommy is so tired that I need a taxi back to my bedroom”, and then scuttle out the door.

And then it hits. The guilt. Oh, lordy, the guilt. Parents – do you know what I am talking about? Of course you do, you’re parents. 

I think about her sweet face, sleeping soundly in her bed and I remember that these years are going way quicker than I had signed up for. I silently chastise myself for not hanging around in there. I ask myself if it would have killed me to answer one more question, to linger a little longer. It’s a torturous existence at times, and I still haven’t figured out the answer to it. What I do know is this:

It’s ok to need a break. It’s ok to crave “you” time. We are all feeling the guilts at different times, in different ways, and no amount of guilt is going to slow down time for any of us. And I will try to remember my own words the next time I am struggling to accept the fact that I need rest over trivia with my little darling.

 

Jordan Thomas is a psychotherapist and the owner of an award-winning trauma therapy centre. After recovering from debilitating PTSD, she has built an inspiring life and wants to help you do the same.

 

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