Embracing Emotional Storms
During times of heightened emotions, meltdowns and tantrums may arise, impacting the bond you share with your child. Your immediate response may be to yell, ‘Stop it!’, hoping this will allow you to quickly move on with your day. However, it’s crucial to prioritize connecting and empathizing with your child during these emotional moments
One effective strategy for fostering connection is to incorporate ‘refresh’ into your resource toolbox – much like hitting ‘refresh’ when your computer is bogged down and not functioning properly. To illustrate the effectiveness of using ‘refresh’, let me share a recent circumstance involving my 11-year-old son.
The other day he experienced a really tough moment as we were about to leave the house. He wasn’t getting something he wanted within the timeframe he was hoping for. While this wouldn’t typically bother him, on that particular day it triggered an emotional storm! I should also add that he had some late nights that had obviously caught up to him, although suggesting that to him wasn’t an option. I needed to remain calm and steady in his emotional storm – not an easy task, especially when I was frustrated, realizing we needed to leave and I wasn’t even ready! Nothing I said was helpful or comforting. I took a deep breath and stepped away, giving him the space to feel what he was feeling.
After a few minutes, I bent down to his level, knowing this wasn’t the time to question his behaviour or engage in a conversation about it. Instead, I recognized that we needed to hit the ‘refresh button’. I looked at him and said, “I understand you’re upset that things aren’t going the way you wanted them to. I’m feeling the same way.” (This validates the emotions felt and adds reconnection.)
I presented two options: Continue with our back-and-forth OR take a deep breath, ‘refresh’ and start over. He chose to ‘refresh’, and we did just that without the need to have a further conversation. We hugged and both felt a weight lifted which allowed us to create a wonderful day.
Sara Westbrook is a professional speaker and creator of UPower Inc, offering keynotes, presentations and workshops on ‘Emotions Change Choices’ to audiences ages 4 -100. She can be found at sarawestbrook.com or on Instagram @iamsarawestbrook.
