Entry #6: Just Because You Think It, Doesn’t Make It True!

If you have just found my journals, I recommend you go online to themomandcaregiver.com to read entries 1 through 5. I provide powerful action steps that you can apply today if you’re ready to do the work of recovery. Let’s dive into July!

It’s the stories that we tell ourselves, and what we make today’s experiences mean (based on our past) that can put us into a dark prison. When you have a thought, are all your thoughts true? These thoughts (that I made fact and still struggle with today) about myself are:

• “You’re such a loser because you can’t hold a job. Your college education is a waste.”
• “No one wants to be your friend because you make people uncomfortable.”
• “You’re embarrassing and pathetic. That’s why your husband left you.”
• “You’re a burden to everyone because you’re poor and lost. God made a mistake.”
• “You’re a failure to your parents, but especially your kids.”
• “You have no purpose. You should end it.”
• “You don’t need meds. Just get it together like the rest of the world.”
• “It’s your fault that you can’t fix yourself.”
• “You might be book smart, but no one will hire a crazy person.”
• “You should just give up. Your kids and parents are better off without you.”
• “You have no future so stop hoping.”

Anyone else relate to the thoughts that I believed about myself? The fact is that when you accept self-harming statements to be true, you live your life making decisions that line up with thoughts that are  lies, and you strip yourself of any sense of belonging in the world. I used to feel like an alien. I just couldn’t find any common ground with other humans. Now that I am medicated, I can control my impulses, as well as sense social cues. I finally do feel like I deserve love and compassion, and I continue to do the work because recovery is daily. If people tell you “You’re too much,” just tell them “Well then, find less!” 

 

Stephanie Preston creates powerful, humorous videos on managing bipolar disorder symptoms. She is a Social Service Worker, Health Care Aide and suffers from severe bipolar depression herself. She is the proud wife of St. Thomas Mayor Joe Preston, loves being a grandma and is Crossfit obsessed. Follow her at www.tiktok.com/@bipolaronthebrain and www.facebook.com/bipolaronthebrain.