Journal Entry #3: Nothing Changes If Nothing Changes

In March, I finished off with, “Don’t miss Part 2 in April’s  issue on what action steps to take so that YOU are in control of your recovery. TO BE CONTINUED…” 

March 1, 2024 (my birthday) was an important milestone because someone I loved didn’t survive bipolar past 49. Honestly, I knew I wouldn’t “give up” before turning 49, but I didn’t do it for me. I fight to live for my kids, my friend, my parents, and my husband. 

If you live with bipolar, you know that when your friend feels sad, bipolar sadness is unbearable. All my emotions are experienced to the extreme. Sadness can feel like an actual physical aching pain leading to bad thoughts. I asked you last month if you have ever taken meds for mental health and went off of them because they made you feel bad, and/or didn’t work. You’re right. Meds don’t work if you don’t take them. They don’t work if you don’t take them as prescribed. They don’t work if you’re not making daily notes of how you are feeling each day before your next appointment. Meds also don’t work if you cancel your psychiatrist appointment. 

Here’s the thing. Until you accept that something is destroying your quality of life, you won’t understand why your kids don’t want to be around you, why you don’t have friends, and why you feel completely alone. I hit my rock bottom in 2016 when I was hospitalized for the second time on the mental health ward. Sitting in that hospital bed, I had my most important epiphany. Moments of my kids being scared for me, reliving lost relationships, and remembering gaps of time where I lost touch with reality all downloaded in that bed into my brain. I missed my kids. Unmedicated Mom is too much. I FINALLY accepted that no matter how hard I try, I CANNOT control my behaviours or what I say without medication for bipolar disorder. 

In May’s issue, I will be sharing very specific life-changing tools to print off. I leave you with the first and most important step in recovery. Are you ready to accept your diagnosis? Because nothing changes if nothing changes.

 

Stephanie Preston creates powerful, humorous videos on managing bipolar disorder symptoms. She is a Social Service Worker, Health Care Aide and suffers from severe bipolar depression herself. She is the proud wife of St. Thomas Mayor Joe Preston, loves being a grandma and is Crossfit obsessed. Follow her at www.tiktok.com/@bipolaronthebrain and www.facebook.com/bipolaronthebrain.