Self Doubt
I went to college in the Social Service Worker Program because my heart was broken and I wanted to fix it. Living with untreated bipolar disorder, PTSD, in addition to severe ADHD, added to my pain. People just couldn’t relate to me, and I had no idea why when I was trying so hard to be likeable.
Self doubt comes from a lack of belief in what you’re capable of. Bullying at school, being excluded from after work activities, and not being included in family gatherings are examples of rejection (potentially causing an individual to feel less valued, less confident, and result in constant feelings of self doubt in every aspect of one’s life). If this describes you, you might find yourself always second guessing your decisions, as well as always needing to ask others for their opinion for fear of making a mistake in your life. I used to live like that. I never believed in myself. It might have looked like I did on the outside, but the anxiety I carried fearing doing the wrong thing was such a burden. I went through a lot as a child which shaped how I thought about myself, and how I thought others saw me. I believed nobody liked or loved me.
I rarely have self doubt now. Here are my rules:
- If someone doesn’t value you, be polite and move on.
- Don’t be codependent with people. If you get the ick with someone you meet, cut it off ASAP! Your gut never lies. I would rather have peace in my life alone, than hang out with people who suck the life out of me.
- I love myself. I am not in love with myself. That’s a big difference.
- I take my meds and see my psychiatrist every month. Don’t neglect your health.
My life is full of joy now because I know that I am here for a reason, whether you like me or not. You will find living this way very freeing and that people want to be around others that feel like they’re winning at life!
Stephanie Preston creates powerful, humorous videos on managing bipolar disorder symptoms. She is a Social Service Worker, Health Care Aide and suffers from severe bipolar depression herself. She is the proud wife of St. Thomas Mayor Joe Preston, loves being a grandma and is Crossfit obsessed. Follow her at www.tiktok.com/@bipolaronthebrain and www.facebook.com/bipolaronthebrain.
