Stranger Danger vs. Tricky People

I remember vividly the warnings I received from my mother about stranger danger throughout my childhood. “Don’t go into a stranger’s car. Don’t talk to strangers.” I used to think that all strangers were bad, and to stay clear of them, which created fear. On the flip side, that message told me all people I know are then good, which is not the case.

90% of perpetrators are known to our children. They are their coaches, teachers, friends’ parents and older children which makes it tricky for our children to decipher who is a safe person and who is not. When we shift the message from stranger danger to tricky people, we open up the conversation to behaviours that a tricky person displays to alert our children.

Special Alone Time

If a known person asks your child for alone time, time that even mom and dad cannot be a part of, it is a red flag. Reinforce with your child that there is never a situation that mom and dad cannot be a part of and to tell you immediately.

Setting Boundaries

Teaching our children about boundaries with their bodies at an early age is very important. Let your child know that no one can touch their body inappropriately or make them feel uncomfortable, scared, yucky or embarrassed – that is a tricky person and your child needs to tell you immediately. It is just as important to communicate that being asked to touch another person in that way is not okay as well.

Secrets

If a known person is asking your child to keep a secret from their parent(s), especially showing your child an image of a naked body, that is not okay and a behaviour of a tricky person. Part of the grooming process is showing children images of naked bodies and then progressing to asking to take photos of your child’s body. 

Following Your Gut

Intuition is a great communicator. When we talk to our children about when their body feels uncomfortable versus comfortable, and listen to them when they feel uncomfortable in a tricky situation, like not wanting to hug a relative, you are teaching them to trust their feelings.

When we educate our children about the behaviors of tricky people, it’s imperative to tell your child  that they will never get into trouble for telling you, and to listen when their intuition tells them about tricky people or tricky situations. 

 

Becky Morrison is a Nurse Practitioner based out of Calgary who has specialized in mental health for over a decade. She is finally, after years of infertility, a mother of two busy little boys, and doting fur mom of her gentle giant, Stella. She is, and always will be, a strong advocate for mental wellness at all ages.