Supporting Siblings: Responding to Sibling Conflict

By Heather Norrie

Hi, I’m Heather, a mom of two and a child and family therapist. Conflict between siblings happens, but how parents respond to these disagreements can make a big difference in building strong, lasting relationships. When parents are self-aware, regulate their emotions, and teach emotional and interpersonal skills, it helps children manage their emotions and navigate challenges in a healthier way. Here’s how you can support your children during conflicts:

Step 1: Stay Calm and Use Emotion Regulation

Before responding to your children’s conflict, take a deep breath and check your own feelings. Are you frustrated or upset? If so, take a moment to calm down before jumping in. Using calming techniques yourself teaches your children how to manage their own emotions. Take a breath and gather your thoughts.

Step 2: Acknowledge Their Feelings

When you’re ready to address the conflict, first acknowledge each child’s feelings. For example, say, “I can see that you’re both upset.” This shows that you understand their emotions and that their feelings matter. When children feel heard, they feel loved and supported.

Step 3: Listen to Both Sides

Let each child explain their side of the story without interrupting. This teaches them to listen to others and promotes understanding. Afterward, reflect on both perspectives to show that you understand each child’s view. This helps build empathy, which is key to healthy sibling relationships.

Step 4: Guide Them to a Solution

Once both children feel heard, help them work together to find a solution. Ask, “How can we fix this?” or “What can you both do differently next time?” Encouraging problem-solving gives kids the tools to manage future conflicts on their own.

Step 5: When to Seek Support