The Extreme Highs and Lows of Motherhood
Being a mother is arguably the hardest job in the world. From the time we get pregnant and hear the first heartbeat, to when our kids grow and leave the nest, we experience numerous highs and lows that continue to change who we are as women.
I was one of the lucky ones bestowed the honor of motherhood. After eight years of fertility treatment and many losses, we welcomed our perfect little boy. I have never felt such unconditional love in my life. It was majestic and outshone some of the incredible lows of motherhood. The grief of losing my “old self”, sleep deprivation, drastic hormonal shifts, and the constant worry for my child’s well-being was overwhelming and sadly not discussed in society as it should. There is this unspoken belief that when you chose to be a mother, you must just accept all the lows that can come with motherhood. Motherhood at any point in time can be incredibly hard and needs to be acknowledged, and as a society we need to provide much-needed support.
The most difficult low of being a mother for me came shortly after we adopted our little boy, Hani. Our family was finally complete, and we all fell madly in love with each other. Even though we had lots of lows as Hani adjusted to his new life, we had many more highs. I loved him unconditionally from the moment I met him. Tragically, we lost our Hani due to medical negligence. There are no words to express the depths of despair when the natural order is disrupted, and your child dies before you. You are consumed by an endless agonizing longing for your child and a grief that follows you, ever changing as you change though the rest of your life. I hope that as we discuss more openly the highs AND lows of motherhood, we will normalize it and thus better support each other while we navigate this amazing and challenging road.
To all mothers, I celebrate all that you give to your children this Mother’s Day. To all grieving mothers, I know all too well that this day isn’t easy to celebrate. Know that I see you, I hear you and feel your pain. Time and space cannot change the fact that you were, and always will be, their mother.
Becky Morrison is a Nurse Practitioner based out of Calgary who has specialized in mental health for over a decade. She is finally, after years of infertility, a mother of two busy little boys, and doting fur mom of her gentle giant, Stella. She is, and always will be, a strong advocate for mental wellness at all ages.
