This One’s For the Misfits
“When you grow up, I hope you have ten of your own and I hope they are just like you”. Emphasis on the “just like you”, and it wasn’t from a place of love, it was from a place of disgust. I remember this phrase being spat at me from age nine onwards through my adolescence. On the outside, I was a tough kid and I made it seem like these insults rolled off my back. The truth was that these statements were like a punch to the gut and hurt like hell every single time.
I would have to rack my brain to find some kind, affirming and encouraging words that were said to me as a kid. I was too loud. Badly behaved. Craved attention too much. I was “destructive, not constructive”. I was the black sheep of the family. Teachers dreaded having me in their classes. The nice kids – the ones with loving parents cheering them on at their ice-skating competitions – weren’t allowed to play with me. Life was lonely and I grew up hearing about who I was from people who couldn’t see the pain I was in, but who also couldn’t see the best parts of me.
I know I am not alone in these experiences – far from it. For the many of us who have experienced childhoods that were full of upset, rejection, fear and abuse, we grow up having learned that we are not enough. So this month, I am writing for us – the misfits.
The path to self-love is a difficult one for all of us. When you add childhood trauma, it becomes an even murkier one to tread. If your gender, race, identity, sexual orientation, level of ability or economic status are off the mainstream, this path becomes even more complex.
Yet this journey of self-acceptance is a critical one. Without accepting the parts of you that were rejected or labelled as “bad”, you live a life that is fragmented, hiding yourself out of shame that was never yours to hold in the first place. If the adults in your life who were responsible for loving, nurturing, and protecting you failed you, the task becomes even more meaningful now.
The most radical, rebellious and courageous challenge that I ever accepted was getting to know, understand and ultimately love the pieces of myself that I rejected for so many years. The most beautiful act of self-love that I ever gave myself was pulling apart the narrative of who I was and replacing it with the truth of who I really am – a child of the universe, a miracle, a gift. Guess what? You are also a child of the universe, a miracle and a gift.
In the month where we celebrate love, my wish for you is that no matter where you are on the journey of self-acceptance and self-love, you go even deeper. For those of you with a trauma history, please begin today. You are so, so worth it. You’ll see.
Jordan Thomas is a psychotherapist and the owner of an award-winning trauma therapy centre. After recovering from debilitating PTSD, she has built an inspiring life and wants to help you do the same.
