Village-Style Parenting

While the weather was still lovely, we had a few parents and a gaggle of kids over for dinner. Without thinking, I asked one of the kids (let’s call her Kimmy) to let others have a turn on the swing set. Later that evening, I reminded Kimmy to eat her dinner at the table with the rest of us. Kimmy’s parents and I are good friends, and they didn’t mind that I was correcting Kimmy’s behaviour as we often help each other with parenting our kids.

But one of the other parents at the table pointed out how unusual it was to see me parenting someone else’s kid. She then proceeded to tell us about how she was “put in her place” when she tried to correct her niece’s behaviour at a family gathering. A great discussion followed about whether it’s OK to correct behaviour or discipline other people’s children.

I’ve learned that not everyone is OK with this “village-style” parenting and some feel that it’s strictly a parent’s job to rear their own kids. For me, I am comfortable with trusted adults to correct and even discipline my kids. And if we are guests in your home, I would very much appreciate that my kids be reminded to respect the household rules. 

It’s one thing to remind kids to share or ask them to use their manners, but – I was asked – how do I feel about someone else scolding or disciplining my kids? If my kids are acting out in a way that is destructive, aggressive or harmful to others, I think it’s appropriate to intervene and then refer to the parent for a consequence. When this happens at our home, I’ve been known to say, “We don’t do that in our house”. Most of the time, kids quickly get the message and return to their play.

Easier said than done! Some parents might take this kind of intervention personally and it could bring up feelings of inadequacy. I like to keep in mind that our kids are still learning to navigate the world around them, so it’s important for them to hear other adults reinforce the same messages as we do. Perhaps before jumping in, parents can talk to one another about their limits and level of comfort. Parenting (done right) isn’t easy and maybe we should be a little more open to helping each other out when it comes to raising our kids. 

 

Frank Emanuele is a proud father of two boys, a special education teacher, and a director of Dad Club London.