What is Attachment Parenting?
Hi, I’m Heather, a mom of two and a therapist.
Parenting is challenging. Sometimes we respond in ways that don’t align with our values and how we want to parent. These are the moments when it’s hard for our love to shine through. We might yell, or blame, or dismiss or get lost in anxiety.
Attachment styles are about the way a parent interacts with their child, how they show love and how they respond to challenges. The key feature about attachment is that how your caregiver interacted with you becomes imprinted and will show up in your own parenting. Understanding your own attachment style will help to build awareness and a pathway forward to change how you respond to your child – even when circumstances are stressful and you’re tired.
Three Most Common Attachment Styles
- Secure Attachment Parents with a secure attachment style are responsive, consistent and empathetic. Quick Survey: Do you feel confident in responding to your child’s emotional needs? Do you generally stay calm and reassuring in stressful situations? ○ Yes, I am mostly calm and responsive.
- Anxious Attachment Parents with this style may struggle with emotional regulation and feel overly preoccupied with their child’s needs. Quick Survey: Do you often feel anxious about whether your child is okay? Do you find yourself seeking constant reassurance about your child? ○ I feel confident, but occasionally feel quite worried.
- Avoidant Attachment Parents with this style may unintentionally distance themselves emotionally from their child, focusing more on independence than emotional closeness. Quick Survey: Do you find it difficult to express affection or offer comfort when your child is upset? Do you value independence highly? ○ I try to connect, but independence is quite important to me.
What to Do Next
Attachment is not rigid. It can change. If you resonate with any part of the Anxious or Avoidant attachment styles, reach out for support. Working with a trained attachment therapist can help how parenting is feeling for you and your child(ren).
It’s okay if this is showing up for you, you didn’t choose it, but with support you can change it.
Heather Norrie BA, BSW, MSW, RSW, Social Worker/Therapist, Key Counselling Services