Why Pronouns Matter
Imagine being called the wrong name by everyone, every day that you go to work. What if someone consistently referred to you as a SHE when you are clearly not female – and you’ve corrected this person many, many times! Imagine having to hear the wrong name or wrong pronoun every single day, multiple times a day. How would that make you feel?
Grammatically, pronouns are small, simple words that we use to substitute nouns. We use pronouns daily in speech to replace our names. Sometimes, the pronouns we use don’t always match our perception of the person we’re talking to, so we need to pay close attention and be mindful of others. Pronouns are directly connected to our sense of self – whether we identify as female, male, both, or neither. It reminds us of our identities and how we want to be referred to by others.
Refusing to use correct pronouns or using incorrect pronouns on purpose can be quite hurtful. People who are working on their gender identity or who identify with alternate pronouns often feel dismissed, invalidated, disrespected and unwelcome. Making the effort to use correct pronouns shows you care about that person, you want to show them respect, and you are interested in getting to know them.
But let’s be honest – we’re not perfect and we’re going to make mistakes… and that’s OK. If you misgender someone, be sure to acknowledge your mistake, apologize and move on. If you’re not sure where to start, try using a gender-neutral pronoun like they/them (and yes, we use this as a singular pronoun, too!). Or you could introduce yourself with your own pronouns. “Hi, my name is Frank, and my pronouns are he/him”. Another great way to promote inclusivity and correct pronoun use is to state your own pronouns in your email signatures. Any effort you make shows you want to do the right thing.
People who struggle with gender identity have enough to worry about. It can be a very complicated, emotional and difficult journey for them – one that nobody chooses to go through lightly. Plus, we are seeing more young adults and kids who understand themselves better and feel brave enough to identify with a pronoun that makes sense to them and feels right. It takes very little effort for the rest of us to adapt to a new pronoun. And this effort means the WORLD to them. Being understood, supported and feeling included is a wonderful feeling, one that some of us may not have felt in a very, very long time.
Frank Emanuele is a proud father of two boys, a special education teacher, and a director of Dad Club London.
