Parental Control

Watching my daughter morph into an unrecognizable human as she moves through tweendom reminded me that the changes she is encountering are significant. If I were to flip seats with her, I’m sure I would be anxious, confused and irritable too. I began reflecting on all of the physical, emotional, cognitive and social changes she was encountering. As difficult as it is for me to watch her mature, these changes are more difficult for her than for me. As a parent, I want to help her and make everything better, but at this point in her life I know that parental interference will only amplify a situation. But I can’t sit by quietly on the sidelines and not do anything – can I?

After exploring this deeper, I have realized that many of my professional management and leadership skills are transferrable to parenting. Here are some things I have identified from my career that are transferrable to parenting pre-adolescents. 

1. Autonomy – Parents must respect that tweens are looking for more independence, and as parents, we need to build our tolerance for this change. Parents need to accept that their children now have secrets and new guiding sources – friends. Your kids need to make mistakes to learn. The goal is to stay available for when they do need you, and present enough to avoid disaster without them feeling you are interfering.
2. Weekly 1 on 1 – Your child may no longer want to spend every waking moment with you. Heck, they may not even like you today but it’s still important to schedule time with your tween. Whether it’s a walk or a weekly show, dedicating time where your child is getting your undivided attention will provide opportunities to insert indirect, less intrusive advice that will improve your relationship. 
3. Talk less, listen more – Your weekly tween time will create a safe place where your tween will eventually start sharing more. It’s key to listen, empathize and support your tween without judgment when they start spilling the beans. You will hear and learn so much more.

Tweens can sometimes make a parent feel useless but if you can maintain a balance between appearing completely uninterested and being engaged, the transition should be less painful and provide a bit of parental control.

 

Janet Smith is a proud mom of one daughter and a marketing professional who is grateful for her rural roots in the London area. Follow Janet’s funny and honest journey at IG & TT | @re.marketable.janet or FB | @janetsiddallsmith