Time Runs Faster than Wi-Fi
There’s a sneaky little side effect of parenting no one warns you about: time dysmorphia.
Time dysmorphia is that warped sense of time where five minutes feels like five hours (waiting on hold with the internet company) and five years feels like five minutes (blinking between diaper changes and high school orientation). It’s why you still call your 20-year-old niece “the baby” and why you swear the ‘90s were “about ten years ago.” Spoiler alert: they weren’t.
One minute, you’re strapping your kid into a car seat and bribing them with Goldfish crackers to please stop licking the shopping cart. The next, you’re at an elementary school graduation, mascara running, ugly crying in the corner with snot flowing like a tap, wondering where the heck the last decade went.
My daughter is heading to high school — and while she’s quietly navigating nerves and excitement, I’m over here wondering when I became the mom of a full-blown, high-school-going teenager. Parenting is the ultimate time scam.
The days are endless (“Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom.” on repeat) — but the years? Blink-and-you-miss-it.
It feels like yesterday that I was packing Frozen lunchboxes and waving as she disappeared down the road on the school bus. And now? She’s crossing that stage, and I’m the emotional puddle wondering if I somehow accidentally gunned it to 88 miles per hour in a DeLorean and time-traveled to this moment.
While I’m still marveling at her first day of school, she’s racing toward independence like she’s got her own flux capacitor.
So yeah — I’m going to cry at her graduation. I’m going to take 3000 blurry iPhone photos and corner strangers to brag about my daughter. And when she rolls her eyes later, I’ll lean in close and whisper, “Kid, time’s faster than Wi-Fi — make sure you enjoy the ride.”
Because turns out, watching them grow up hurts in the best possible way. If time is a thief, it is stealing my baby one piece at a time, while giving me a glimpse of the incredible woman she’s becoming.
Janet Smith is a proud mom of one daughter and a marketing professional who is grateful for her rural roots in the London area. Follow Janet’s funny and honest journey at IG & TT | @re.marketable.janet or FB | @janetsiddallsmith